How to Find Your Tribe in London’s Rave Scene... & Other Cities

London is one of the best cities in the world for dance music. Some people might disagree and that’s fine. But on any given weekend, you can find yourself choosing between a sweaty basement in Peckham, a daytime terrace party in Camden, a warehouse in Tottenham, an open decks session in Dalston, or a full-blown club night stretching into Monday morning.

But just because a city has a lot going on does not mean it is easy to find your people.

For newcomers to the scene, people rediscovering raving after years away, introverts, immigrants, and anyone trying to build a life in a new city, nightlife can feel both exciting and deeply overwhelming. There are scenes within scenes. Friend groups that seem long-established. WhatsApp chats you are not in. Line-ups full of names you think you should know. And a low-level sense that everyone else already understands the rules.

I know this feeling well.

I’m an immigrant queer DJ (aka Kafn) and I’ve been in London for less than three years. In that time, I’ve gone from never having properly touched a set of decks to becoming Club Culture Specialist at Lab.Club, helping recommend raves and underground music culture to over 9,000 subscribers every week. Along the way, I’ve managed to integrate myself into multiple rave communities across the city.

People often ask me how I did it in such a short space of time. So, here are my thoughts.

You cannot make friends, acquaintances, collaborators or community if people do not know who you are. That applies in person and online. If you are new to the scene, or returning after a while away, find a local event and keep showing up. Go early. Stay late. Let people see your face more than once. Connect with the people you meet and follow up on text or online. People begin to trust what they recognise.

This is especially true in smaller, community-led spaces. You do not need to bankrupt yourself going to £30-entry headline events every weekend. In fact, if your goal is to meet people, you are less likely to make meaningful connections at a huge club than you are at a smaller party, an open decks session, a free event, a local mixer, or in the tiny smoking area outside a community-led night. I’ve connected with some promoters that I was hesitant to approach initially and when I had the courage to reach out to them, they told me that they had noticed me at their events several times. 

Big venues can be amazing for music. But smaller spaces are often better for people.

Nightlife is full of fleeting interactions. You can meet tens of people in one night and barely remember half of them by the next morning. It helps to have something that makes you a little easier to remember. Not in a forced or try-hard way. Just something distinct.

A cool hat. A certain pair of glasses. Memorable makeup. A signature accessory. Something simple that becomes part of how people clock you.

For me, it’s my fan. My name is Afaan, and in loud environments people often do not catch it the first time. So when they say, “Sorry, what was your name again?”, I pull out my fan, give it a clack and say, “Afaan, like a fan.” It always gets a laugh. And people never forget it.

This might sound small, but small things matter. They make repeat encounters warmer and help turn “I think I’ve seen you before….” into “Oh yeah, you’re Afaan.”

A lot of people struggle to find their place in the scene because they are not actually clear on what they want from it.

Do you want to DJ more? Meet like-minded people? Find queer community? Get booked at bigger events? Discover better parties? Build long-term friendships? Learn how things work behind the scenes? Start promoting? Feel less alone?

You do not need a five-year plan. But you do need some level of clarity. And once you have it, say it plainly. People in nightlife are often distracted, tired, over-socialised, under-rested and working with short attention spans. So if you are trying to communicate what you are about, do it in a way that is concise and easy to hold onto.

When I was new on the scene, one of the clearest things I could say was: I’d like to DJ for an audience at different venues. That is simple. It gives people something to understand and place. Avoid being diffident.

It also helps to know what you do not want. That narrows the field, filters out noise, distraction and opportunities that look shiny but are not actually aligned. Knowing your niche does not mean being closed-minded. It just means not drifting around without direction.

This sounds obvious, but people massively underestimate it. If you need help, ask for it. If you do not know something, ask someone. If you need insight, context, introductions, practical advice, technical guidance, emotional reassurance — ask.

A lot of people default to Googling everything, or now, asking AI everything. But sometimes it is better to ask a real person in the scene. Not only because the answer may be better, more specific, more nuanced and more lived-in but because asking creates a touchpoint and a moment of trust.

Even if the exchange is small, it is still the beginning of a relationship. Someone gives you knowledge, and in return there is familiarity. Not instantly. Not dramatically. But enough to begin.

And the reverse is true too: offer help where you can.

If you cannot support financially, support with your time. If you cannot offer your time, offer your contacts. Share opportunities. Put people on. Help promote. Help set up. Send the link. Recommend the person. Introduce people to each other. Carry a bag. Bring a portable charger. Carry a lighter even if you don’t smoke. Community is not built by everyone asking to receive. It is built when people also learn how to contribute.

At the end of the day, we are all here because of music. Sharing music is one of the quickest and purest ways to find your people. Faster than small talk, faster than networking, faster than trying to seem interesting.

When you send someone a track, or they send you one, you learn how they hear the world. Their response will tell you far more than a list of favourite DJs ever will. Music is the best filter ever…it helps you find resonance with the right people.

But music is not the only thing you can share. Intel matters too.

Where is the secret warehouse rave happening? What is security like at that venue? Which promoter is good to work with? Which one should be avoided? Which open decks are actually worth going to? Who is building something interesting right now?

This kind of knowledge moves through scenes in a very human way. And in underground culture, sharing intel is often a form of trust. You may take something you know for  granted, but that intel might be complete news for someone established in the scene. Just because the scene is so fragmented

If you do not ask, you do not get. And what you get, when you do ask, is not just information. Often you get a connection as well.

Remember how I mentioned that you should keep a lighter even if you don’t smoke. Some of the best conversations in nightlife happen in smoking sections. Not because cigarettes are magical, but because those spaces facilitate conversations and that is the true magic of connectivity..

You would be shocked how many smokers never have one. Offering someone a light is one of the oldest low-stakes social openers in the world. You never know who you may be handing the lighter to. It could be the next big promoter that books you. 

After parties, similarly, are often overlooked and you need to ‘yes, and’ your way through it. Remember, big parties are often about the music. Afters are often about the people.

So if you are trying to meet others and build community, try not to lock your entire schedule down every time you go out. Leave some room for spontaneity. Some of the best conversations happen at the after-party, when you’re not all about the dance-floor.

There will come a time when you go from not knowing anyone in the scene to at least having some acquaintances. If they happen to throwing events, support them. Show up and show out. Be there at the beginning, and be there at the end. 

Important: Do not always ask for guest list. Unless you’re totally broke. I understand that nightlife is expensive, and sometimes things genuinely are not affordable. But part of becoming part of community is understanding that support is not abstract. Tickets matter. Early tickets matter even more. Buying in advance helps small events survive.

If full price is out of reach, ask for a community discount where appropriate. Be honest. But do not treat every event as something you are entitled to access for free, especially when it is run by people you claim to care about. Supporting the scene is not just about posting flyers to your story.

I cannot stress this enough. Do not be an asshole. Scenes are smaller than they look. Reputations travel. If you are rude, flaky, entitled, arrogant, dismissive or messy in ways that affect other people, it will get around.

Some of the most successful, respected and deeply embedded people in nightlife that I have met are not just talented. They are also kind, compassionate and they treat people well across the board, not just when there is something to gain. 

Be nice without being a pushover. Have boundaries, absolutely. But do not underestimate how far warmth and basic decency can take you.

This is something I think people do not talk about enough.

Rave friends are different from your school friends, your work friends, your siblings, or the people who have known you since before you hit puberty. That does not make them fake. It just makes them different.

You might not share the entire intricate architecture of your life with them at first. The connection might start in a more specific register: music, nights out, shared taste, mutual people, one corner of yourself that comes alive in nightlife.

But that does not make it shallow.

Some friendships in the scene are ephemeral. Some stay dancefloor-bound. Others become deeply meaningful over time. Both are valid.

And when you do find people you genuinely connect with, try to meet them outside of raving too. Go for a picnic. See an exhibition. Watch a film. Meet in a pub. Have a coffee. Build the relationship in daylight.

Sometimes this somehow still ends at a party, but that is another issue entirely.

A good conversation at 4am is not a friendship yet. Follow up.

Send the track you mentioned. Message the person. Reply to the story. Check in. Ask how the thing went. Invite them somewhere. Show people that you care enough to continue the conversation beyond the dancefloor.

At the same time, do not take delayed replies too personally. Everyone in the scene is busy. Or burnt out. Or juggling multiple jobs. Or asleep at absurd hours. Or holding together an emotionally demanding life outside of nightlife. Not everyone will answer immediately. Not every message will become a strong connection. That is normal. Patience matters.

The right community is not built in one perfect night. It is built in repeated contact, low-pressure consistency, and the accumulation of small gestures and people over time.

If you are trying to find your people, start with places where repeat interaction is possible.

In person, that means:

Online, that means:

The key is not just finding one event. It is finding recurring ecosystems. Places where the same kinds of people gather often enough for familiarity to build.

This may be the most important part.

In a city like London, it is easy to feel like you need to be across everything. The goal is not to fit everywhere. The goal is to find the pockets that make sense to you. The rooms where your body relaxes. The people who speak your musical language. The spaces where you do not feel like you are performing belonging, but actually inhabiting it. I have had friends consistently show up to certain parties, and now the promoter just sends them a free-guestlist for every event. That kind of trust only comes when you consistently engage. That takes time.

But if my experience has taught me anything, it is that a whole life can begin with one open decks night you nearly did not go to. So if you are new to the scene, or returning after years away, or trying to rebuild yourself in a city that still feels unfamiliar, here is my advice:

Show up.
Be visible.
Be clear.
Ask for help.
Offer help.
Share music.
Follow up.
Be kind.
Keep going.

Your tribe may be closer than you think.